Why the Blog Ended....

Hi. I thought it rather rude to at least not say goodbye. As you may have gathered from the sudden ending to the postings. Susan, myself and others were all made redundant in 2007. Thus we all went our seperate ways. I have been meaning to organise some sort of get together with my old colleagues. Yes. I'm totally going to do it and I'll see if Susan has been sharing her gift with others in the two years since....

Needless to say I'll report back if anything happens. Until then. Goodbye and thanks for listening.

Mass Stupidity Part 2

Susan is going on holiday, but wants to keep her luggage as light as possible. Don't worry she's had an idea:

"How can I fold my clothes to make them weigh less?"

Unfortunately the answer is in two stages, the first of which is "re-write the laws of physics", so it could be difficult.

This is a return to a similar situation here- http://stupidcolleague.blogspot.com/2006/05/mass-stupidity.html

Damn Your Eyes!

Today Susan complained that her eyes were hot. I don't even know how that feels. Who the hell gets hot eyes?

Detective Susan Poirot

Background: Today everyone in the office ate fish and chips for lunch including Susan. Actually I didn't eat fish and chips- instead my dinner was a salmon pate sandwich.

Susan couldn't finish hers so she left the remaining cod wrapped in the paper that it was served in, and left it on her desk.

The Time: 1500 hours

The Place: sitting at her desk

The Comment: (smelling the air) "has someone been eating fish?"

I'll understand if you don't believe me on this one, but I assure you it is utterly true. The only way that question could have been any more absurd is if the fish was stapled to her face. And she was a fish herself.

I'm Back...but not for long!

It's been a while. I had things to do. It's not you, it's me, I just wasn't ready for the commitment and I felt you should see other blogs. I'm back now and I have various bits of news for you. Firstly I've been collating Susan stories in my absence so we still have something to talk about. Secondly I've just found out that I'm being made redundant. Don't worry it's alright- I'll be OK. There'll be other jobs and maybe I'll be lucky enough to end up working with someone as excruciatingly thick as Susan. But don't count on it. Whilst there are other Susans, there is only one who reaches the dizzy heights of our protagonist of preposterousness.

Watch this space No, not that one- it's a figure of speech you pseudo Susan. You Pseusan! Watch the bit above this post, where currently there isn't another post but where one will appear shortly with the final instalments of our story.*

*= if you're reading this too late and there already is a post above it, just humour me- this all made sense at the time.

Widescreen Edition

It's been a while but today we had a beauty! Susan was at a friend's house at the weekend watching a very small TV. Unbeknownst to our heroine, the TV was on some kind of zoom facility. Now I didn't realise TVs had some kind of zoom affair but I'd like to think that if I watching a film already knew and I noticed there was a large part of the screen I wouldn't express surprise with the words

"I never realised that on a smaller television they don't show all the picture".

Yep she thought she couldn't see the whole scene because the television was too small.

*= in case you were wondering Susan small TV owning friend also works with me as well thus why I was able to confirm the zoom thing.

Second Hand Smoke

Susan doesn't like smoking. In fact there's a guy who works with us and if he pops outside for a swift one, when he comes back in the office she starts having a coughing fit.

Because of the stale smoke on him.

He seems to respond to this with a mixture of gentle sarcasm and ignoring her, rather than the more obvious solution of setting fire to her. She reaching new heights with her sensitivity to smell the other day. She opened an envelope at work and starting coughing because the paperwork inside smelt of smoke. Jesus.