The Cold War

As I've gone to great pains to tell you- Susan is annoying as well as stupid. Last week we had, what was at that point, the hottest day of the year. Have you ever worked in an office with no air conditioning? To be fair you don't need to have undergone the trama in all it's sweat-stained glory to understand the experience.

Suddenly I notice it's getting hotter at a frighteningly exponential rate. The windows are closed, but that doesn't quite explain. Wait a bastard minute, the fucking fan heater's switched on. Naturally, for a warm-blooded creature, I turn it off.

"Don't do that I'm freezing" she said.

"What? That's absurd. It's steaming hot in here" I explained.
My other colleague concurred by sweating profusely.

At this point an argument broke out that involved thermometers, swearing, and the managing director coming downstairs to explain to Susan that if she was cold, then she was possibly ill and to seek immediate medical attention. Or shut the fuck up. Incidentally I'm paraphrasing. This ridiculous scene ended in Susan wearing the jumpers of various people.

The next day the temperature was exactly the same. Susan wasn't cold.
The only conclusion I can come to is that her brain is so useless it can't even interpret the messages sent to it by her senses, and she mistakes heat for cold.